columbus bound

Columbus bound…

Well this week is the week, the week we finally get to move out of Findlay. We have both wanted this for so long, long before we even met. I believe it’s happening at the most perfect time for both of us. We both had to find each other first before it could happen. The stars had to align, our timelines had to meet up, ya know all the weird cosmic love stuff haha. So we finally get to move. Yay! Other than feeling incredibly excited as I sit here surrounded by boxes I’m also a little scared. It’s not an incredibly far move by any means but it’s also not Findlay. The place I’ve lived since I was 19, before that I lived in an even smaller town but worked in Findlay. So it’s not familiar and comfortable like I’ve been used to my whole life. I won’t go places and know at least a few people when I walk in. The population in Columbus as of 2014 was 825,000 compared to Findlay of 41,202. There will be so much more life surrounding us in Columbus, which means more opportunity. It definitely feels like the right move. Will Columbus be our forever, who knows, but it’s our right now. That’s the fun thing with life, it’s ever changing with so many opportunities ahead if you’re willing to take them.

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Up’s and Down’s

Little mental health update…

Lately I’ve been feeling very up and down. This is very unlike me to feel this way. Some days I’m happy and life couldn’t get any better. Other days I’m sad about something and for no real reason either. The sad days feel very extreme. Like a deep down low sadness that you can’t shake. I fixate on something and it makes it even worse because then I’m reciting something over and over in my mind until it drives me crazy. I’ve never felt that way before. I wonder if it’s from coming off Zoloft? Being on Zoloft I never felt extreme sadness. I’d have bad days sure but never to the point of sadness I’m feeling now. Thinking back before Zoloft I don’t recall feeling that low of a sadness either. So why now?

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Purpose

Lately I’ve been thinking of my purpose. What am I here to do? As many of us wonder from time to time. Obviously that can be ever changing and take many forms. Overall I know I’m meant to help. I’m a helper. Not so much a physical work kind of helper (but I’ll help you … Read more

alone inside

I come here sometimes.  It makes me feel even more alone than I already feel inside.  I get comfort in feeling alone sometimes.  I let darkness come over me and it feels good.  Wrapped up in a blanket of sorrow I walk.  I walk and walk until I tell myself to snap out of it. … Read more

Relief

This post is kind of all over the place to bear with me…

Sitting here feeling stuck on what to blog about. Then I got to thinking how relieved I have felt this last week. My divorce has been final now for a couple weeks and I think since then I’ve really allowed myself to process my feelings of everything that has happened. In a way I think I was closed off from letting myself really feel everything I needed to. To allow myself to fully let go of everything, all the feelings, the people I lost, the life I lost, all of it.

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